Xat…

还有。（主要是为了贴图。）

我当年是没有看过《大逃杀》的了。

I watched the Hunger Games movie in a gasping full house tonight. I was fascinated by its constant symbolic references. Sacrificial rituals, dystopia, mass media control, youth violence, effective campaigning, PR and lobbying, you name it. Yet it’s packaged nicely in a story about young love, friendship and pure human survival instinct, which with a right cast can do no wrong under any circumstance.

I liked Jennifer Lawrence particularly. The life-hardened composure, occasional wide-eyed innocence and fragility from her previous role (Winter’s Bone) carried well into this film. Plus, I think she simply looked gorgeous. I prefer beautiful women with a strong character, so to speak.

I finally and formally started writing my dissertation today. Very good.

I’ve been reading quite a few papers recently. Many of them are classics, and you can always expect new insights after re-reading them. And bam! Why haven’t I thought of this? Or shoot! They did that 20 years ago! Alas, just how many big men’s shoulders you need to climb on to! Only to realize your own research is totally worthless!

Despite that, the experience is inspiring rather than discouraging. What did discourage me was the fact that many of my peers are producing papers at a very fast pace. Four a year? The length of their CVs blatantly ridicules mine in comparison.

I admit that I’m a bit jealous and a bit uneasy about my job prospect. But on the bright side, reading those papers are usually like… Not that they are bad, they are totally merited for publication– but they are mostly lackluster. Like, meh. It’s okay to publish them, but I’d be fine too if they remain solely as my research notes. For whatever reason, I seem to have many such notes… I may retrospectively announce that I was procrastinating for a good reason.

I chatted with Todd a bit this afternoon and expressed my frustration. As soon as I started phrasing these thoughts into speech I felt like a drama queen caught in the eagerness for approval. I’ve been trying to organize some of my results from the past few years into a final paper before graduation. I should have done that sooner– the sad truth is I’m no longer enthusiastic about them.

I was offered no free grapes but I did learn two things from our chat. First, if you find an interesting project, pursue and finish it in the heat of the moment. Second, it’s always nice to have an adviser who chooses to tickle your confidence rather than trample on it.

1. Finish the work at hand and graduate before summer. It is time.
2. Find something interesting to work on post-graduation. Get a grant along the way to stay employed.
3. Learn to relax. Focus on the things I like.
4. Travel. Be healthy.

或者说，故意让它一声不吭。克制诉说欲。阅读，睡，出游电影院。举重。隔日饮酒。

只要最新鲜的片段，只要层出不穷的，明亮刺眼、冬天般寒冷的，仿佛可以在每一刻停留到无穷的。

过剩的精力。

记忆是个网眼稀疏的筛子，截下的那部分非常少。带着稍许的后悔。非常，非常，非常好。